PrintJournal (15) + Letter
23 June, 2015
My darling,
I am so grateful for the memories of our life together, memories that I play over and over on the screen of my mind. Some are a little fuzzy but there are many, many that are as clear as the proverbial bell. How blessed my life has been as I reflect over those 50 years with you at my side and in my heart.
But I felt a tinge of panic over the last few days because the memory of our last time together on this earth seemed to be losing its clarity. As my mind began to reconstruct those last 15 minutes or so as we sat by your side aware that death would shortly come as your servant and usher you into the presence of Jesus, there were blank spots that I couldn’t recall.
Karen and the girls came over for tea last night and I told her of my concern. “I recall some of what I said to Mum but what else did I say?” To my relief she recalled the part that was so fuzzy.
“Dad, you told Mum four main things. You told her how beautiful she was. You told her that you loved her. You thanked her for sharing your lives together. You told her that it was OK for her to go now because Jesus was waiting for her.”.
Within a matter of minutes you breathed your last breath. They reckon that hearing is the last faculty to close down. Sometimes I wonder if you heard what I was saying. If there is a good side to this it has to be the time we had during that last 12 months when you were in High Care and we spent every day together – or big parts of most of those days. I think back to the many times we spoke of our love for each other. How often we laughed and cried as we reflected on different events, many involving our children.
If there is any “good” thing in the way you died it has to be those times. We could look at each other and make sure all that needed to be said was said. I can’t imagine the enormity of emotional pain if a couple were deprived of that opportunity because the first awareness of the death of one partner was the police car parked in front of their house for no apparent reason and two officers walking up to the front door. The survivor’s life would be filled with “If only” and “What if”.
Every opportunity I get I will be saying to couples, “Talk of your love for each other NOW! Spend time with the family photos NOW! It’s good that you are planning that family holiday but don’t wait until then to look at each other with love and appreciation. Do it now.”
It’s getting late, my love, but I will write again soon
But until then
You remain the love of my life
Mike
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