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  • Journal (14) + Letter

    20 June, 2015

    Hi Sweetheart, Well, it is just 8 weeks ago today that we said our sad farewells and you were released from your… [more]

  • Journal (13) + Letter

    17 June, 2015

    Hi again, Sweetheart, I sure hope you don’t get weary with how many times I’m writing. It takes me back… [more]

  • Journal (12) + Letter

    14 June, 2015

    My Darling, Well, still the cards come and every one of them expressing enormous gratitude and appreciation for all… [more]

  • Journal (11) + Letter

    11 June, 2015

    I can't recall if I told you but this past weekend I have spent with Pete and Jen up at the Bay. Yesterday Pete and… [more]

  • Journal 10 + Letter

    8 June, 2015

    Hi, Darling' I'm feeling rather guilty after my last letter to you, Bev. If it is possible to be too honest… [more]

  • Journal 18+ Letter

    4 July, 2015

     

    Hello Sweetheart,

    “Melancholy” is probably a fairly accurate description of how I’m feeling in the last few days. Each day brings its own contribution of memories, most of them are welcome but some have served their purpose and I wish I could just dismiss them.

    Why is it that the daily things that I need to remember play hide and seek in my memory banks while the trivia stuff is front and centre stage?

    As if that isn’t enough to handle, along comes E (I’m sure you will recall her) with the dumbest question                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        question. “Is life back to normal for you yet?” What a thoughtless question.  I wanted to tell her that she had just asked the most stupid question. Instead I said, “My life will never be normal again. Certainly not as I have known “normal” for the past 73 years. I expect that a new and different “normal” may emerge but I will never have again the “normal” that ceased when Bev took her last breath”.

    More recently I’ve found my mind wandering over the last few months we shared together. Sometimes feelings of gratitude stir within my heart. But then I think of what you suffered during that period. How grateful we both were that you didn’t suffer pain.

    Nonetheless, I recall how your modesty was invaded again and again. But as if to balance that memory, those who cared for you made every effort to respect your dignity. Sometimes as I fed you I would see a faraway look in your eyes. It was a look of resignation; as though you were mentally transporting yourself to another place.

    These are the memories I wish I could dismiss forever. The least I must do is become more disciplined in what I allow to occupy the hall of memories.

    Well, love, this weekend we all gather at T. to bury your ashes. You recall that I told you about that recently? It feels very strange to talk with about such a subject but, since this was your wish, I feel I should keep you “in the loop”. I won’t be writing until after that event but I will let you know how things go.

    But until then….

    You remain the love of my life

    Mike

     

     

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