PrintJournal 23
18 July, 2015
Hello Darling,
The burying of your ashes at “Tumblegum” last weekend was a special occasion but it has had the effect of making my sense of loss more intense during this past week. Perhaps it is giving me/us a sense of closure that has not been there before (at least not with this intensity) but now that this last “official duty” has been completed, there is no action or initiative that remains to finalise our responsibilities.
Anyway, whatever the reason, the sense of your absence and the hole that is now there is not abating; maybe it is even stronger. It is 3 months now since your death, my love. Can it only be that long? As I was thinking about that, I realised that it is our wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks. That got me thinking about last year at this time when we celebrated our 50th year together as husband and wife. That celebration was a goal we so much wanted to reach….and we did!
To state the obvious, this will be the first year we have not been together on that date-of-dates. But I am planning to go to “Tumblegum” and spend some time at your memorial reflecting thankfully over our life together. I think it is OK if I talk out loud for my own benefit. So long as you don’t answer! Then I would be in big trouble!! That kind of occasion is one where writing can be very helpful. Karen has offered to drive me. We will just go up and back in the day.
Oh, by the way, my attempts at gardening have been somewhat successful. By that I mean not every plant has died. But a few of them have seen better days! Anyway, I was sufficiently inspired to invest in 3 more plants yesterday. We will see how they grow – hopefully.
I haven’t written much over these months about Barnabas. Yet I know how keen you were that I should keep on writing. Then, you will be pleased to know that I received an email from a Christian brother in Tanzania (East Africa) who is responsible for training Pastors and Church leaders who have no access to the Internet. He told me that he is using material from Barnabas as a teaching tool with his colleagues. I’m so encouraged by that report. Barney and I thank you, too, for your constant support over the years.
One last thing before I turn out the lights for the night. I was thinking (again) about the suffering you endured with MND over those last months and how easy it would be to “blame God” as many (most?) people tend to do when they are faced with crises of various kinds. I remembered something that our friend, Robert G. said in his email to me; “God did not send MND into your lives. Our broken, fallen world did that”. As I thought further about the issue of who is responsible, I heard a whisper that said, “An enemy did this! I had heard that truth before and I recalled that it was in one of the parables.
Sure enough, a quick check in the concordance and there it was, Matthew 13 and the parable of the wheat and the weeds. It reinforced for me that the seeking for answers about what God does or doesn’t do in these situations must accommodate this emphatic truth, “An enemy did this!”
I’ll write again soon
But until then
You remain the love of my life
Mike
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