PrintJournal 27
31 July, 2015
Hello again, my love,
Grief is a strange creature. Just when you think you have it worked out, it morphs into something else. Over the years in my calling as a Pastor I have tried to explain to others the dynamics of grief by using the illustration of surfing. Of course, explaining it and applying it to others is one thing; applying it to oneself is quite another.
In the surf I am watching what is happening with the waves, the tide etc. Then I spot a wave that looks like it has my name written on it!! So I brace myself and prepare to be pummelled by the wave. The wave hits but I am ready and I dive under it just as it is about to crush me.
Well, I emerge unscathed and stand up to wipe the water from my eyes.
WHAM! That’s the sound of the second wave, knocking me off my feet. That’s the one that I didn’t see coming.
Sweetheart, I had a day like that yesterday. I attended the Retirees Lunch. I hadn’t been for some months. Certainly not since your death. I was fully expecting that there might be a few who have been “out of the loop” and were unaware of recent events. So I readied myself to respond to anyone who might say something like, “So Bev’s not with you today?” No one did. But I was glad to be prepared just in case. That was the wave that I saw coming.
Then last night I went down to the shopping mall to get some groceries. I recalled that today is Abby’s 16th birthday and I needed to get a card for her – something that you always did. I picked up a card suitable for her and began to read the verse. In that moment I realised that you would not be at her birthday for the first time in 16 years. I further realised that the card would be from Grandad, not Grandad and Grandma.
WHAM! Right there in the aisle I began to weep. That was the sound of the other wave, the one I didn’t see coming and for which I made no preparation. Anyway, who said your name couldn’t be on the birthday card? Not only your name but a beautiful photo that has come to light in the last couple of weeks.
I have no doubt that there will be many more “second waves” in the weeks and months ahead. But, if what I have observed in the lives of other grieving people is any indication, just maybe the waves will be a bit further apart and a little less unpredictable.
I should mention that I was greatly encouraged (but not surprised) at the lunch yesterday by the number of people who spoke of their admiration and inspiration for the legacy of your example. Yes, I know you will find that hard to believe but I happen to agree with them!!
We will be taking Abby out for dinner this evening. I am thinking I should do some emotional preparation. There might just be a second wave in there somewhere.
I often wonder what you are doing just at that moment.
Anyway, I’ll write back soon
But Until then…….
You remain the love of my life
Mike
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