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• Journal 30

  11 August, 2015

  My darling, The weekend just gone was “quiet”. But then every weekend and most weekdays are… [more]

• Journal 29

  8 August, 2015

  My darling, Every day in so many ways I am thinking about you. No big surprize in that statement. My guess would be… [more]

• Journal 28

  4 August, 2015

  Hello my love, As the journey picks up pace, my engagement with grief seems to intensify. I’ve read umpteen… [more]

• Journal 27

  31 July, 2015

  Hello again, my love, Grief is a strange creature. Just when you think you have it worked out, it morphs into… [more]

• Journal 26

  28 July, 2015

  Happy 51 st Wedding Anniversary, My Love!! Well, for us it was a wedding anniversary with a difference.… [more]

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• Journal 31

  14 August, 2015

  Hi Sweetheart,

  I’m discovering that there is something about grief that can be very selfish. At least, self-centred.  If you look back over more recent letters to you, you will note (if you haven’t already done so) that I write about myself and I make very little reference to others - including our three great kids.

  It dawned on me over this last weekend as yet another person was commenting on our family that we are incredibly blessed with our children. While I have been taken up with my own grief, they have continued to walk alongside me and process their own emotional responses to your death.

  I think my eyes have been opened in a new way to the wisdom and maturity that each one of our children brings to our current situation. People – many, many people – speak of our children with such admiration that I am beginning to think I must take them for granted. Yet I know that they are worth every accolade that comes their way.

  Those who speak well of them don’t know the half when it comes to their love, care, understanding and the wisdom they bring to their dear old dad. Regular phone calls, personal visits, practical suggestions etc. is the primary evidence to which I appeal and make my case.

  Just a little while ago I found myself becoming distressed because my recollection of the events surrounding your death started to fade. I wanted the details of that day – April 12^th, 2015 – to live long in my memory for however long or short the time left to me. Yet here I was, just a few months down the track, struggling to recall the decisions, the conversations of that most powerful of days.

  They have helped me understand the enormity of my fatigue leading up to and including that day. They have been able to fill in some of the details missing (or fading from) my own version.

  Sweetheart, so much of who and what our children have become is to be attributed to your role as their mother. I think most or of our friends and acquaintances understand some of the uniqueness of life in the Manse and how we all needed to make adjustments over the years – especially the years of formation.

  You insisted (and rightly so) that we have regular holidays. That was one of a number of commitments we made.

  What I am trying to say is that the legacy of those years is what people are seeing in our children today and why I am finding their support so valuable.

  I will write again soon. You can count on it!!

  But Until Then….

  You remain the love of my life

  Mike