PrintJOURNAL 75
22 February, 2016
My Darling,
You’re not coming back, are you? You really have left this life here forever.
Yet again that sense of irreversible loss surfaces in my emotions.
I know these are unexpected questions because, after such a period of time, I thought that I had accepted the reality of your death. Honestly, I never expected to ask that question again. But lately I’m not so sure.
It has been 315 days since your ‘departure’ to heaven (but who’s counting?!). You would think by now that the very concept of you ‘coming back’ would long since have been resolved. Strangely, I think I was more accepting of your death and never returning 100 days ago than I am as I write this letter. I know there are those who would ask me to be more realistic because the acceptance dynamic can often take years, not months
Maybe my acceptance of our “ ‘til death us do part” experience is incomplete because we are approaching the first anniversary of your physical death. Whatever is behind this awareness, I am learning this: Acceptance of loss is a process, not an event.
Further, that process is unpredictable. I used to think that acceptance could be controlled but now I believe we can’t control it but the best we can do is cooperate with the process. None of this excludes God so please don’t think for a moment that faith is departing from me.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made and the Creator has built within us the necessary emotional factors that, when embraced, lead to healing and wholeness. The same is true of our physical bodies. They have remarkable recuperative powers…until it’s time to die.
I don’t believe that this observation is a proof that I am suffering from denial. If that was the case, then I wouldn’t be writing this letter! Denial would not acknowledge the question in the first place
Beside this fact, I need to affirm that you are coming back! Don’t panic, my love! I’m not about to contradict what I have said thus far. Let the following verses explain what I mean.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NLT)
So, in our case, who is waiting for who?
Are you waiting for me to die and pass into the presence of the Lord OR am I waiting for the Lord’s Return when you come back with Him?
Either way….it’s Hallelujah!!
But Until Then…..
You remain the love of my life
Mike
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