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• JOURNAL 75

  22 February, 2016

  My Darling, You’re not coming back, are you? You really have left this life here forever. Yet again that… [more]

• JOURNAL 74

  18 February, 2016

  My darling, I must apologise for taking so long between letters. I seem to be in a strange season at this time.… [more]

• Our journeyJOURNAL 73

  9 February, 2016

  Sweetheart, I’m depressed! (Hardly the most positive way to begin a letter……but it’s… [more]

• JOURNAL 72

  1 February, 2016

  JOURNAL 72 Sweetheart, Do you recall the rosebush that “A” gave you for our 50 th wedding… [more]

• JOURNAL 71

  27 January, 2016

  Hello Sweetheart, I have been thinking about this new year over the last few weeks and I realised that it was 51… [more]

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• JOURNAL 77

  8 March, 2016

  Hello Sweetheart,

  I was looking for a definition of ‘epiphany’ earlier today because of something that happened last night. The definition that came up on the screen was simply,

  “the moment  in which you suddenly see or understand something in a new or very clear way”

  I was preparing to go to bed when, without warning, I suddenly thought “These past 12 months have been prayer-less months”.

  Now, as you well know, I have never been a “Prayer Warrior” or anything vaguely like that. I would find it embarrassing if I had to reveal the number of times during our married life when you often had to ask me if I would pray for us as a family.

  Most of the time I left that initiative with you.

  The very last time I prayed with you was on April 12^th at 1.55 am – just moments before you “went home to be with the Lord”.

  Last night’s epiphany seemed to say to me, “and at that moment when you said “Amen”, something in you switched off. And from that day to this you have stayed switched off when it comes to prayer. Twelve months without a vital communication prayer link.

  Oh, I still know how to string enough words together to give the impression of praying. After all, I am a Pastor!!! But something happened the night you died. Did something die within me, as well?

  In the same way that I don’t expect my letters to you to be answered, I don’t expect my prayer to God to be answered. Could that be it? I experienced the ultimate loss on that night last April, and part of my response has been to not pray. I don’t think I’m being petulant.

  Diagnosis is one thing.

  The pursuit of health and healing is quite another.

  But until then…..

  You remain the love of my life

  Mike