PrintJOURNAL 80
29 March, 2016
Our Journey Through The Valley
The regular readers of Barnabas will probably sense that we are coming up to the first anniversary of Bev’s death – 12th April, 2015. I found myself wondering recently what were we writing in our journal 12 months ago when things were reaching “critical mass”?
What follows was written by both of us just 32 days before she died.
Our Journey Through The Valley (121)
11 March, 2015
As Bev’s breathing is increasingly compromised, her capacity for speech is also diminished and we are learning slowly and (sometimes) painfully some of the implications of poor communication through the usual channels of speech, action and inter-action. I find myself often leaning down close to her so that I don’t miss a word. For Bev (at this point in our journey) speech is the big challenge. For her to talk involves stress and strain – physical and mental.
Now, try and imagine a situation in which two-way verbal communication is no longer possible. Add to that the scenario in which one of these two people can no longer give hand signals. If you can imagine that, then you have some idea of what awaits the two of us in a future that has already begun.
If Bev has something as simple as an itchy nose, how does she communicate that to Mike? She has lost the use of her hands and arms completely. She is a whole person imprisoned in a body that is increasingly dysfunctional and non-coperative
Bev continues to be a channel of inspiration to me. I am inspired by her courage. By her submission. By her honesty. By her concern for me, that I have adequate “down time”. That she can think so much about others at a time when she is so depleted inspires me more than I can tell.
For my part, I have more questions now than ever. As I watch the love of my life incrementally robbed of her health, I can’t help but wonder why the purposes of God can’t be realized in ways less cruel.
Finally, I drag myself alongside Peter as he questions Jesus desire to wash his feet. As Peter tried to process this scene in front of him. “This is all wrong. I just can’t accept it”. It is Jesus’ response that catches my heart
7 Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”Oh, I hope so!!
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