PrintIs it wrong (sinful?) to desire to remain here rather than going home to be with Jesus? I've read and heard accounts of people who have pleaded with God to take them home to be with Him. Sometimes that is because death would free them from physical pain. Others have been desperately lonely and have wanted to be released from the prison of solitude into the presence of Jesus.
Despite my diminishing physical health to which I referred in my last entry, I am neither in unbearable pain or desperately lonely. At this point in my journey, I have no great desire to finish here and go home. Is that so wrong?
I mentioned Rev. David Watson in my last entry. He was an Anglican Bishop in the UK who died of liver cancer some years ago. In his book, "Fear No Evil", he recounted how he made the quantum shift that I will need to make at sometime. His explanation was based on Paul's words to the Philippian believers,
"For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live". (Phil 1:20-24 NLT)
Rev. Watson said that initially he wanted (passionately) to stay here with his wife and children but was willing (reluctantly) to go to be with Jesus. During the time his disease progressed in his body, he found his desire changing so that he came to the point where he wanted (passionately) to go home to Jesus but was willing (somewhat reluctantly) to stay,should he be healed.
Now that is a quantum shift!!
Rev. Watson talked about the changing focus he developed over that transition period - a change of focus which included worship and praise music as well as extended times of meditation in the Scriptures and reflective prayer. These times were not always experienced in solitude. Fellow believers who were tuned in to what God was doing played a vital role in the unfolding drama.
I guess the Apostle Paul had to make that same transition at some point during his discipleship. I don't imagine that the desire to go and be with Christ was within him from his conversion on the Damascus Road. There must have been a time - a period - in his life when that desire emerged and became a passion. I'd like to know when and how!
Did it happen during his time in Arabia? (Galatians 1/16-18). His life was under enormous threat on numerous occasions. Was it during one of those occasions? What about the time he was in gaol in Philippi? (Acts 16).
WAIT! Why haven't I seen that before now? Just one word, the significance of which gives me a whole new perspective. Paul says "sometimes" his desire is to live i.e. to remain here and "sometimes" he longs to go and be with Christ.
I have believed for many years that, based on these verses, Paul was always longing to be with Jesus. That he was always - 24/7 - torn between two desires. But no, he says "sometimes" that was the case. Not all day every day.
I feel a whole lot better!
