Print"How do you want to die?" It was a simple but intriguing question. What made it even more interesting for me was that it was asked at a funeral. Without being too obvious (I hope) I eased closer to the two men, waiting to see if there was a reply. What I heard was this, "I don't want to know how I will die. I don't want to know when I will die. I just want to know where I will die and I'll stay away from there!!"
Although the response was an attempt at humour, I rather think it also acknowledged that there is so much about death and dying that is out of our control. In all of life's experiences there is probably no event that we cannot control, manipulate or avoid like our own death. And we fear what we can't control.
Bev and I got talking a few days back about this question following our attendance at a funeral. With her background as a Registered Nurse, Bev has seen many people face death. Each has been unique. All of them out of the control of the person dying.
Our conversation got me thinking about the death of my parents - how different in some ways and how very much alike in others.
My mum took 13 years to die following her diagnosis with polycythemia. My dad took 13 seconds to die following the putt he missed on the green at the local Golf Club.
I had time to say farewell to mum. Not so with dad. With mum, we could sit around and talk, reflect, laugh and prepare. We talked about all the memories we had. We selected the hymns that we would sing, the readings we would have. This was all preparation for her to go home.
With dad, it was a case of miss the putt and die of a heart attack. There was really no prior warning. After I received the news of his death, I wandered in the park across the road from our home for what seemed like hours. I spoke out loud to dad, confessing that I never told him that I loved him. He was a diligent husband and father and I knew he loved me. So much left unsaid. Preparation incomplete.
With mum there was a sense of completion. With dad death was so swift that we missed the opportunity to prepare him (and us) to go home.
As Bev and I talked about these things, we agreed that we needed and wanted time to say our farewells to our immediate family members and each other. Although It's not ours to choose, we would both prefer to have time so we can speak one last time to our children and affirm what we have told them over the years, viz the love, gratitude, pride and joy we have for them and to reassure them that death is not the end. I want to tell Bev again how thankful I am to her because of our relationship over the years we have lived and loved together.
Although this is our preferred departure scenario, we know that it is out of our control. That would be scary if it was not for the fact that what is out of our control is well and truly under God's control. I suspect that's why John 19/11 is so special.
"You would have no power over me at all unless it were given to you from above."
It sounds like, "You have no power, control or influence over me with the single exception of that which has been given to you from above. Even then, it's not your power but it has been delegated to you for the fulfilling of the Will of God!"
As Jesus addressed Pilate, the Roman Governor, so we can address the reality of death with the same truth that Jesus demonstrated. If God is Sovereign Lord then that solves the "control issue".
