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A few days ago I recalled the 6th anniversary of a heart attack I endured back in 2004. As I waited for the ambulance to arrive that Saturday morning, I recall thinking to myself, "I could die this very day". Obviously that didn't happen and I lived to write another day!
Subsequently I have often got to thinking about mortality and vulnerability and the intimidation that they both can wield. It was during one of those reflective sessions that I 'stumbled' upon that fascinating story in 2 Kings 7/3-11.
The four lepers had within themselves a death sentence because of the disease they had contracted and they could not enter the city. They were unclean with a disease for which there was no known cure. Their situation was further compounded by the fact that their city was under siege, surrounded by enemy forces. They were caught betwixt and between. The whole scene seemed to me to orbit around one central question.
"Why should we sit here waiting to die?" they asked each other. "We will starve if we stay here, and we will starve if we go back into the city. So we might as well go out and surrender to the Aramean army. If they let us live, so much the better. But if they kill us, we would have died anyway." (2 Kings 7:3-4 NLT)
They were faced with two certainties and one unknown.
Certainty No. 1 - Stay where they were and starve to death.
Certainty No. 2 - Try and get back into the city and starve to death.
Unknown - Go over to the enemy camp and maybe, just maybe, there was a slim chance that their lives might be spared. And if not, their death would be a release and would probably be quick as compared with starvation or leprosy.
As I thought about their situation, it dawned on me that my circumstances were not dissimilar to theirs. At that time I recorded this prayer in my journal.
Lord God, you know my thoughts and feelings. You know my innermost being with all its uncertainties and fearfulness. I don't want to die, at least, not yet. I love my wife. I love my children and their children. I don't know where you are in all this uncertainty. Are you trying to get my attention? What am I to learn? Where is the growth point in this?
As I wrestled with these thoughts, I began to write as words formed in my mind - words that didn't seem like my own.
Mike, don't sit around waiting to die. Don't allow yourself to be paralyzed by the reality of death. Those four lepers were realistic in their appraisal of their situation. Do you just want to sit around inactive and waiting to die? Or do you want to be bold and take an initiative the result of which might be either life or death? They were not healed of their leprosy anymore than you have been healed of your Parkinson's. But that did not prevent them from taking the greatest risk of their lives, making the greatest discovery of their lives and thereby giving life to a whole city.
That experience made me realize that I am confronted every day with a decision. I can choose to sit around and wait to die OR I can choose to get on with life and living.
Today? Today I choose life!
