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Reflections on Retirement (Revisited)
It's almost 3 years ago that I wrote an article on this website called "Reflections On Retirement". In that article I acknowledged my hope that 'retirement' (I prefer the word, refocused) would give me opportunity to explore a range of activities that were simply not possible while I was engaged in full time employment. Part of that opportunity involved examining some strategic questions about my relationship with my God.
Those questions were…..
1. Over the years that I have been a Pastor, has my personal relationship with God become unhelpfully dependant on that role?
2. Has there developed a kind of unhealthy co-dependency between my role as a Pastor and my life as a disciple?
3. Has my role as a Pastor become enmeshed with my identity as a disciple in such a way that to lose one is to diminish the other?
4. Over the years that I have been a Pastor, have I related to God more as a servant (employee) in His Kingdom than as a son?
Right towards the end of that article I made this comment…
The challenge before me now (to be anticipated with joy and freedom) is to spend the rest of my life (be that short or long) re-learning to relate to God as "Abba" - my Father.
I find myself today reflecting on that statement and those questions I asked at that time. How is this new part of my journey going? To be honest with myself, I have to say that I am less than impressed with my performance thus far!
I had expected that I would read the Bible more than I did before retirement.
I don't.
I expected that I would now pray more because I have more time.
I don't.
I expected that I would give more freely even though our income is marginally less.
I don't.
Mind you, there are other expectations that are being met.
I expected to be more involved in mentoring. I am.
I expected to be more involved in writing. I am.
I expected to do more traveling with Bev. I am.
Maybe the key word in all the above is "expectations". How reasonable were or are these expectations? Was I being something of an idealist by embracing them in the first place?
I have always said that I want to finish my life well. Too many of my colleagues and peers in ministry ran well in this marathon called ministry only to drop away as they approached the finish line. That's probably why I wrote another article called "Finishing Well" .
These past 3 years have revealed to me that growing in my life as a disciple is no easy task and it is made no easier by virtue of the fact that I am a Pastor - albeit retired (I mean 'refocused').
I have recently spent time preparing a Bible study series on the life of Gideon as set out in the book of Judges. I mention this because I was bothered by what happened to Gideon after his victory over the Midianites (Judges chps. 6-8).
This man was brought out of obscurity, empowered for victory but ended his life in idolatry because of a simple, harmless request that led to the creation of an object that became a snare to Gideon and his family.
Our enemy, Satan, is well skilled in setting the traps (snares) and I have a suspicion that the older we get the more vulnerable we become. The many exhortations in Scripture "to keep on keeping on" (or words to that effect) are relevant to every season in life including that season we call 'old age'.
