PrintThe Ultimate Affirmation (2)
In my last log or journal entry I noted that Jesus is the Great Affirmer. He doesn't flatter me. He affirms me. I've noticed over the years that it is vitally important that I see the distinction between those two activities - affirmation and flattery.
The difference between affirmation and flattery is that true affirmation has no strings attached. Flattery always has hidden agendas or expectations tied to it. Affirmation builds the person up and is motivated by that person's welfare. Flattery, on the other hand, seeks to manipulate and control the other person so that he/she responds in ways that the flatterer desires.
That distinction becomes even more important for those of us who have a need to please people. We can love people. We can serve people. But we are in dangerous waters when we need to please people. I'm all for us being affirmed and affirming others. But beware the flatterer. The big danger looms when the flatterer discerns my need to please people.
We pastors are at great risk here. Many of us need to be needed. That need is not, in itself, a sin. Rather it is a pre-disposition that weakens us and makes us vulnerable to the flattery of others who want us to fulfill their agenda for us and to meet their expectations. Flattery will quickly turn to criticism if those agendas are not adopted by us nor their expectations met by us.
I wonder how many times over the years I have, to a greater or lesser degree, compromised my basic heart convictions in order to please some person or group. I certainly am aware of the pressure that can be applied by those who would use and abuse me via flattery.
Flattery is like the Trojan Horse that allowed the Greeks finally to enter the city of Troy and end the fruitless 10-year siege of the city. The Greeks built a huge figure of a horse in which a select force of men hid. The Greeks pretended to sail away, and the Trojans pulled the Horse into their city as a victory trophy. That night the Greek force crept out of the Horse and opened the gates for the rest of the Greek army, which had sailed back under cover of night. The Greek army entered and destroyed the city, decisively ending the war.
A "Trojan Horse" has come to mean any trick or deception that appears to be one thing but is, in fact, quite another. So it is with flattery; appearing to be an acknowldgement of victory but leading to a defeat.
Rom 16:18 "For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people".
1 Thess 2:5,6 "You know we never used flattery , nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed — God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else".
While Paul was willing to become all things to all people, he could hardly have been called a "people pleaser". May God make me and keep me strong in this area of vulnerability.
