Blog

• Journal (3)

  3 May, 2015

  Maybe this preparation stage should include some in-depth reflection on the journey to this point? What have I learned… [more]

• Journal (2)

  29 April, 2015

  In my last posting I mentioned about this period of grieving being a time to re-group in readiness for me to resume the… [more]

• Journal (1)

  27 April, 2015

  It is now coming up to 2 weeks since we had that private Cremation Service – the final farewell to my wife of 50… [more]

• Journal 9 + Letter

  2 February, 2015

  Hello again, my love, It should come as no surprise to you that I have a lovely picture of you on my desktop so you… [more]

• Journal 8 + Letter

  1 February, 2015

  I am finding that processing my grief is not something that I should try to control. If I try to do that it will be… [more]

Print

1. Home→
2. Blog→
3. Journal (1)

• Journal (1)

  27 April, 2015

   

  It is now coming up to 2 weeks since we had that private Cremation Service – the final farewell to my wife of 50 years. As the curtains closed over the casket I heard my voice saying, “Goodbye, my love. I love you”. The next awareness I had was standing at the front of the chapel surrounded by family and friends.

  You see, I have spent the last few months solely focussed on the care of my wife and knowing that one day soon I would be in the same room as the casket containing her body.  (Pinch yourself Mike)  I felt greatly threatened and intimidated by that prospect. And how would I cope with the prospect of the funeral? My wife’s funeral?

  Now I am standing on the other side of those awesome events. Did they really happen? Is she really dead? How did I manage to get through the funeral? Or am I going to wake up in a moment and discover that none of this has happened or is still to happen?

  The reality of these things is now starting to be felt. Yes, they have happened.

  Jut today another taste of reality demanded recognition. The journey is not over!  At least, my part of the journey is not over. It occurred to me today that this is a time to regroup and then to resume the journey.

  An obvious question is, “Why couldn’t Bev be joining me for the next part of the journey?”  The answer is equally obvious, “I don’t know!”  My sense is that I couldn’t have made it thus far without her presence, support, wisdom and love.  How will I make it if she is not there to provide those beautiful qualities for the rest of the journey?

  So many questions still remain.