PrintJournal 10 + Letter
8 June, 2015
Hi, Darling'
I'm feeling rather guilty after my last letter to you, Bev. If it is possible to be too honest then that is what I was! I feel that I let the team down because of the way that I suggested we can forgive God.
"Have we forgiven God for allowing Bev to suffer? “ Perhaps I fell into the trap that almost ensnared the writer of Psalm 73? He obviously had an issue with God! Having acknowledged his feelings to himself, he further acknowledged that, had he spoken this way in public, he would have let the team down and by aiding & abetting the enemy.
While we may not be able to forgive God, we certainly can have a negative attitude towards Him for which we need His forgiveness!
To recover the balance, there is another question we must ask,
"Have you thanked God for the wonderful provisions He gave during the time of trial?"
I guess part of my immaturity is seeing what I don't have and complaining about that rather than have eyes to see God's provision. So, I began to "count our blessings"
1. The very fact that we were guided to Aminya 8 years ago set the scene for all that was to happen .
2. God's financial provision over the years, thanks to Pete's guidance.
3. Despite the diagnosis, we still had many months of active life and, even with a wheel chair, we spent a lot of time together.
4. The very fact that I was free to focus my whole life on you has been such a blessing
5. The provision of a bed in High Care in just three days was incredible
6. That you were put in the same room as Joan Stevenson helped you to settle .
7. The. favour you had with the admin & medical staff made life easier
I prayed often for three things
1 .Please Lord, don't let Bev die alone (The four of us were with you when you died )
2. Please Lord, don't let Bev suffer at the end. (The medication meant you died peacefully)
3. Please Lord, keep me healthy so that I can care for Bev to the end (He did)
Why the lord should allow you to undergo such an experience, I can't begin to imagine. But that He has been with us all the way is undeniable. I'll write again soon
But until then
You remain the love of my life
Mike
Blog
- Journal (3)
3 May, 2015
Maybe this preparation stage should include some in-depth reflection on the journey to this point? What have I learned… [more]
- Journal (2)
29 April, 2015
In my last posting I mentioned about this period of grieving being a time to re-group in readiness for me to resume the… [more]
- Journal (1)
27 April, 2015
It is now coming up to 2 weeks since we had that private Cremation Service – the final farewell to my wife of 50… [more]
- Journal 9 + Letter
2 February, 2015
Hello again, my love, It should come as no surprise to you that I have a lovely picture of you on my desktop so you… [more]
- Journal 8 + Letter
1 February, 2015
I am finding that processing my grief is not something that I should try to control. If I try to do that it will be… [more]
